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  • What are Grits?

    My cousin sent this to me.....

    Grits

    What Are Grits? Nobody knows.

    Some folks believe grits are grown on bushes and are harvested by midgets by
    shaking the bushes after spreading sheets around them.

    Many people feel that grits are made from ground up bits of white corn. These
    are obviously lies spread by Communists and terrorists. Nothing as good as
    Grits can be made from corn.

    The most recent research suggests that the mysterious Manna that God rained
    down upon the Israelites during their time in the Sinai Desert was most likely
    Grits. Critics disagree, stating that there is no record of biscuits, butter,
    salt, and red eye gravy raining down from the sky, and that God would not punish
    his people by forcing them to eat Grits without these key ingredients.

    How Grits are Formed.

    Grits are formed deep underground under intense heat and pressure. It takes
    over 1000 years to form a single Grit. Most of the world's grit mines are in
    South Carolina, and are guarded day and night by armed guards and pit bull dogs.

    Harvesting the Grit is a dangerous occupation, and many Grit miners lose their
    lives each year so that Grits can continue to be served morning after morning
    for breakfast (not that having Grits for lunch and dinner is out of the
    question).

    Yankees have attempted to create synthetic Grits. They call it Cream of Wheat.
    As far as we can tell, the key ingredients of Cream of Wheat are Elmer's
    Glue and shredded styrofoam. These synthetic grits have also been shown to
    cause nausea, and may leave you unable to have children.

    Historical Grits

    As we mentioned earlier, the first known mention of Grits was by the Ancient
    Israelites in the Sinai Desert. After that, Grits were not heard from for
    another 1000 years. Experts feel that Grits were used during this time only
    during secret religious ceremonies, and were kept from the public due to their
    rarity.

    The next mention of Grits was found amidst the ruins of the ancient city of
    Pompeii in a woman's personal diary. The woman's name was Herculaneum
    Jemimaneus (Aunt Jemima to her friends.)

    The 10 Commandments of Grits

    I. Thou shalt not put syrup on thy Grits.
    II. Thou shalt not eat thy Grits with a spoon or knife.
    III. Thou shalt not eat Cream of Wheat and call it Grits, for this is
    blasphemy .
    IV. Thou shalt not covet thy neighbor's Grits.
    V. Thou shalt use only salt, butter, and red-eye gravy as toppings for thy
    Grits.
    VI Thou shalt not eat Instant Grits.
    VII. Thou shalt not put ketchup on thy Grits.
    VIII. Thou shalt not put margarine on thy Grits.
    IX. Thou shalt not eat toast with thy Grits, only biscuits made from scratch.
    X. Thou shalt eat grits on the Sabbath for this is manna from heaven.

    How to Cook Grits

    For one serving of Grits:
    Boil 1.5 cups of water with salt and a little butter.
    Add 5 TBsp of Grits.
    Reduce to a simmer and allow the Grits to soak up all the water.
    When a pencil stuck into the grits stands alone, it is done. That's all
    there is to cooking grits.

    How to make red eye gravy

    Fry salt cured country ham in cast iron pan. Remove the ham when done and add
    coffee to the gravy and simmer for several minutes. Great on grits and
    biscuits.

    How to Eat Grits

    Immediately after removing your grits from the stove top, add a generous
    portion of butter or red eye gravy. (WARNING:Do NOT use low-fat butter.) The
    butter should cause the Grits to turn a wondrous shade of yellow. (Hold a
    banana or a yellow rain slicker next to your Grits; if the colors match, you
    have the correct amount of butter.)

    In lieu of butter, pour a generous helping of red eye gravy on your grits. Be
    sure to pour enough to have some left for sopping up with your biscuits. Never,
    ever substitute canned or store bought biscuits for the real thing because they
    caused cancer, rotten teeth and impotence.

    Next, add salt. (NOTICE: The correct ration of Grit to Salt is 10:1 Therefore
    for every 10 grits, you should have 1 grain of salt.)

    Now begin eating your grits. Always use a fork, never a spoon, to eat Grits.
    Your grits should be thick enough so they do not run through the tines of the
    fork.

    The correct beverage to serve with Grits is black coffee.
    DO NOT use cream or, heaven forbid, Skim Milk.)

    Your grits should never be eaten in a bowl because Yankees will think its Cream
    of Wheat.

    Ways to Eat Leftover Grits: (Leftover grits are extremely rare)

    Spread them in the bottom of a casserole dish, Cover and place them in the
    refrigerator overnight.
    The Grits will congeal into a gelatinous mass.

    Next morning, slice the Grits into squares and fry them in 1/2" of cooking
    oil and butter until they turn a golden brown.

    Many people are tempted to pour syrup onto Grits served this way. This is, of
    course, unacceptable.

    TRADITIONAL BLESSING BEFORE EATING GRITS

    May the lord bless these grits,
    May no DamnYankee ever get the recipe,
    May I eat grits every day while living,
    And may I die while eating grits.
    AMEN
    www.nopigleftbehind.com
    -----------------------------

  • #2
    All I can say "I like my grits, red eye gravy and biscuits. I don't care where you from, dat der is good now.
    Bill
    sigpic"Nothing could be finer than to live in Caroilna"

    "Pessimism never won any battle"

    "PROUD TO BE AN AMERICAN"
    "PROUD TO BE A VETERAN"

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    • #3
      Grits

      I know it aint the proper way to enjoy grits but i get mine from the local one stop w/ chopped ham eggs and cheese all in a pint cup of grits for breakfast.
      Bob
      South Louisiana
      Old New Braunfuls offset
      Charcol ECB
      09 MES 40

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      • #4
        That's funny.
        I guess I wasn't born far enough south (Portsmouth, VA). I hate grits. I'd rather eat dirt.


        Tom

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        • #5
          Originally posted by Gunslinger View Post
          That's funny.
          I guess I wasn't born far enough south (Portsmouth, VA). I hate grits. I'd rather eat dirt.



          A real northerner calls grits polenta.

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          • #6
            Originally posted by Capt View Post


            A real northerner calls grits polenta.
            I thought polenta was Mexican or Italian. Learn something new everyday.


            Tom

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            • #7
              Originally posted by Gunslinger View Post
              I thought polenta was Mexican or Italian. Learn something new everyday.

              I believe it is Italian, but by calling it polenta instead of grits, Chicago/Detroit steak houses can sell them for 10.00 a la carte.

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              • #8
                ever drop a hot dog in the fire, and you pick it up, and finish cooking......and its gritty...........THERE'S YOUR SIGN !


                let us not cry because we lost someone, but let us smile because we enjoyed their company for what time was allowed us!

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                • #9
                  Can't get em in restaurants up here. :(

                  I friggin LOVE grits.
                  I like the Red Eye Gravy but I prefer Grits w Melted Cheese on top.
                  Eat em everyday when I'm somewhere that has em.
                  Southern Boys think it's weird a Yankee like me loves grits.

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                  • #10
                    God eats grits ..............so its good enough for me
                    i learnt that at bible college JUST KDDING
                    i am a grit lover when i was about 20 i taught my sisters sunday school class that mana was grits she did not think it was nearly as funny as i did i told the kids (4-5 year olds) to go home and ask their parents if the could have mana for breakfast......................................... .......................
                    the refrence to grits being mana is in First Opinions 1:23if you are wondering where that is keep looking its in there somewhere
                    Please ignore all spelling errors and typos my pet monkey does all of my corespondence

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                    • #11
                      Originally posted by Gunslinger View Post
                      That's funny.
                      I guess I wasn't born far enough south (Portsmouth, VA). I hate grits. I'd rather eat dirt.
                      LOLOLOLO,,, I grew up down here.. I hate grits ....they say to mix this and that in, it will taste good..............enough said
                      Mike
                      Smokin' in Fla
                      Go Gators
                      My toys
                      sigpic

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                      • #12
                        Now Louie & 88 do the grit gig! Ya know, her being Linda Lou....nuff said! She does like the prayer.
                        Sunset Eagle Aviation
                        https://www.facebook.com/pages/Sunse...888015?fref=ts <... We sure could use some likes!

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                        • #13
                          Originally posted by Jaxgatorz View Post
                          LOLOLOLO,,, I grew up down here.. I hate grits ....they say to mix this and that in, it will taste good..............enough said
                          Now that's what I mean.
                          Maybe instead of the naked vs. sauced rib poll, I should have posted a naked vs. sauced grit poll.


                          Tom

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                          • #14
                            I'm gonna try smoking them... anyone have a good rub recipe for them?


                            Drinks well with others



                            ~ P4 ~

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                            • #15
                              Originally posted by HawgHeaven View Post
                              I'm gonna try smoking them... anyone have a good rub recipe for them?
                              cinimon-n-sugar oh yea
                              Terry here
                              Still have Christene

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