TH's 50lbs of rub arrived

[Kyote]

well to my bewilderment this huge ole package was at my door. post marked that it had been shipped from the lone star state by TH to me.
I thought god I gotta use this stuff, so off to mesquite I went to the dairy farms looking for a dried up milkin cow. My Bud (El Machete') hooked me up with this nice lookin Bovine.kinda crazy lookin thing it was. got her in the trailer. she seemed mad. all the way home making this moo sound and pissin and crappin slippin and fallin she was mad I tell ya.
so I pull in to the shack and looked for a place to back up to and unload this ole mad a-- cow. I thought clothes line will work. so the cow would not help me, it was laying there with this froth all over it's mouth like a coon dawgs after a long run in de swamps.
I thought well I have ta kill it now.(the fun part) it took me well over an hour in the gun vault desidin what gun ta use.
then I saw my ole custom .458 win mag with express sights. and a box of monolithic solids weighin in at .500 grains. SWEET..well it was a well placed shot.right between the lookers she did not flinch (might have already been dead) but now I need a new axle for the trailer the bullet ricoshied off the axle and a new well pump is in order also, and have to go to the neighbors dawgs funeral. he thinks (because of the size of the wound) a burgaler hit him with a pick axe 50 or sixty times.( I said yea I thought I heard some one sneakin around he said you must have real good ears as I live half a mile from ya.)
more later have to go chase the buzzards and crackels off the gut pile.

[jbchoice1]

LMAO... par for the course...

[Bbqgoddess]

LMAO!! that was pretty good there Mr. Bill!

[Bassman]

It's OK to just holler for help once in awhile!

[Kyote]

well lets see, yea have to keep the gut pile intac. El Machete' said he wanted the entrails (guts) I feared to ask but did. machete' what in sam hill ya want the guts for. he and his crew laughted and said they grind it up and make half with red chili and half with green chili. then they fry it up in lard and make tasty burittos out of it. I said my, god Machete' you have plenty of peso's you can feed your family better then that. turns out he don't feed his family with it. but has several buritto stands along I-25 and I-10 and sells burittos to the tourist passin through the state. heck and I thought he only used cats and dogs that the tourist lost at the rest area's.
well I have heard of aged meat so I drug the carcass into the shade and thought leavin it there would make it tasty (el machete' picked up his prize and was busy at his rancho making burritos) I let the dawgs loose in the back to keep the buzzards and coyotes away.they were busy I guess as all I heard the rest of the day and night was them growling snortin and fightin with the buzzards are so it seemed. sounded like hyena's on a carcass that I saw on national geo channel.
any how I was not paying it much mind as I have been trying to build a humane trap to catch a live big foot out in front of the shack. it is almost dun.
well it was time to put some rub to de meat and get ta smokin. went out back and there was them lazy dawgs just laying around looked like they been breedin with each other, bellys all swollen up. I said wait a second most these dawgs are males. then I saw it. them dawgs were feedin on the carcass instead of guardin it. when my favorite one came out front to check on me and took a dino size poop by the trap it should have been a big clue.
well, not all was lost I managed to salvage an 8lb flat iron steak from it.
Now I need that rub TH sent from the lone star state. I had the kids (teenagers) bring it in and told them ta put it in the root cellar, well as kids they wanted to know what it was. I told them mexican brown tar kocane, that Machete' wanted me to keep a while for him., WELL...not what ya tell teenagers..found out the whole dang high school was over in my root cellar with straws sniffin the rub up theirs nose's I was able to salvage 2 ozs are so. seemed just enough to cover the flat iron.
which I did and celophaned it for 24 hours.
then made some beans put a table spoon of ablemans famous gun pow pepper grind in her I did. I remember brown sugar also. then the rest of the ingredints are secert. as the martinis attack the part of the brain that holds rememberin. also a sweet tart cole slaw, broc and caul cheese salad.
fired up the smoker saw some serrano peppers in the market huge ole things put a lb along with a lb of habs on the smoker also.
took the meat to an internal of 140 which hung there for a while are so it seemed. the beans were on board also gettin smoke in them as it simmered.
meat took about 5 hours slow cooked . took her off foiled and wrapped in a towel and stuck in the fridge till the next evening.
then warmed the beans up and the meat in the oven had some bread with supper also. along with the slaw and cheese broc caul salad.

the meat was excellent as was everything else. Kens rub was wonderfull made a real FINE bark and was tasty, makes a great beef rub. the meat had a smoke ring on it that would have made Bubba and Capt D proud.
and the gun pow peppers in the beans were great. nice tasty heat with great flavor.


thanks folks for all the learnin I am gettin here.COOK ON...

[Seboke]

Great story!!! had to lie to my boss on why I was laughing so hard! But where's the pics?

[supervman]

My f ing sides hurt.

Thanks!
V :)

[erain]

love dem funy posts of urs!!!

[smokin365]

DUDE, seriously, this needs a LOL warning!!!! I havent laughted that hard in a LONG time, almost woke up the squaw. for sure