What makes a dish "Chili"? -- Follow up to Fishawn's Chili Thread

[chisoxjim]

didnt realize folks got so territorial about a condiment..

I cant remember the last time I had a bowl or a cup of chili,

a chili dog... now thats a weekly eat.

If I was looking for a recipe pretty sure Id look for one from some folks in Texas or New Mexico and thats about it.

[TasunkaWitko]

Texas Chili Contest

If you can read this whole story without laughing then there's no hope for you. I was crying by the end. Note: Please take time to read this slowly. If you pay attention to the first two judges, the reaction of the third judge is even better.

For those of you who have lived in Texas, you know how true this is. They actually have a Chili Cook-off about the time Halloween comes around. It takes up a major portion of a parking lot at the San Antonio City Park. Judge #3 was an inexperienced Chili taster named Frank, who was visiting from Springfield, IL.

Frank: "Recently, I was honored to be selected as a judge at a chili cook-off. The original person called in sick at the last moment and I happened to be standing there at the judge's table asking for directions to the Coors Light truck, when the call came in. I was assured by the other two judges (Native Texans) that the chili wouldn't be all that spicy and, besides, they told me I could have free beer during the tasting, so I accepted.”

Here are the scorecard notes from the event:

CHILI # 1 - MIKE'S MANIAC MONSTER CHILI...

Judge # 1 -- A little too heavy on the tomato. Amusing kick.

Judge # 2 -- Nice, smooth tomato flavor. Very mild.

Judge # 3 (Frank) -- Holy shit, what the hell is this stuff? You could remove dried paint from your driveway. Took me two beers to put the flames out. I hope that's the worst one. These Texans are crazy


CHILI # 2 - AUSTIN'S AFTERBURNER CHILI...

Judge # 1 -- Smoky, with a hint of pork. Slight jalapeno tang.

Judge # 2 -- Exciting BBQ flavor, needs more peppers to be taken seriously.

Judge # 3 -- Keep this out of the reach of children. I'm not sure what I'm supposed to taste besides pain. I had to wave off two people who wanted to give me the Heimlich maneuver. They had to rush in more beer when they saw the look on my face.


CHILI # 3 - FRED'S FAMOUS BURN DOWN THE BARN CHILI...

Judge # 1 -- Excellent firehouse chili. Great kick.

Judge # 2 -- A bit salty, good use of peppers.

Judge # 3 -- Call the EPA. I've located a uranium spill. My nose feels like I have been snorting Drano. Everyone knows the routine by now. Get me more beer before I ignite. Barmaid pounded me on the back, now my backbone is in the front part of my chest. I'm getting shit-faced from all of the beer.


CHILI # 4 - BUBBA'S BLACK MAGIC...

Judge # 1 -- Black bean chili with almost no spice. Disappointing.

Judge # 2 -- Hint of lime in the black beans. Good side dish for fish or other mild foods, not much of a chili.

Judge # 3 -- I felt something scraping across my tongue, but was unable to taste it. Is it possible to burn out taste buds? Sally, the beermaid, was standing behind me with fresh refills. That 300-LB bitch is starting to look HOT...just like this nuclear waste I'm eating! Is chili an aphrodisiac?


CHILI # 5 LISA'S LEGAL LIP REMOVER...

Judge # 1 -- Meaty, strong chili. Cayenne peppers freshly ground, adding considerable kick. Very impressive.

Judge # 2 -- Chili using shredded beef, could use more tomato. Must admit the cayenne peppers make a strong statement.

Judge # 3 -- My ears are ringing, sweat is pouring off my forehead and I can no longer focus my eyes. I farted and four people behind me needed paramedics. The contestant seemed offended when I told her that her chili had given me brain damage. Sally saved my tongue from bleeding by pouring beer directly on it from the pitcher. I wonder if I'm burning my lips off. It really pisses me off that the other judges asked me to stop screaming. Screw those rednecks.


CHILI # 6 - VERA'S VERY VEGETARIAN VARIETY...

Judge # 1 -- Thin yet bold vegetarian variety chili. Good balance of spices and peppers.

Judge # 2 -- The best yet. Aggressive use of peppers, onions, and garlic. Superb.

Judge # 3 -- My intestines are now a straight pipe filled with gaseous, sulfuric flames. I shit on myself when I farted and I'm worried it will eat through the chair. No one seems inclined to stand behind me except Sally. Can't feel my lips anymore. I need to wipe my ass with a snow cone.


CHILI # 7 - SUSAN'S SCREAMING SENSATION CHILI...

Judge # 1 -- A mediocre chili with too much reliance on canned peppers.

Judge # 2 -- Ho hum, tastes as if the chef literally threw in a can of chili peppers at the last moment.

**I should take note that I am worried about Judge # 3. He appears to be in a bit of distress as he is cursing uncontrollably.

Judge # 3 -- You could put a grenade in my mouth, pull the pin, and I wouldn't feel a thing. I've lost sight in one eye, and the world sounds like it is made of rushing water. My shirt is covered with chili, which slid unnoticed out of my mouth. My pants are full of lava to match my shirt. At least during the autopsy, they'll know what killed me. I've decided to stop breathing it's too painful. Screw it; I'm not getting any oxygen anyway. If I need air, I'll just suck it in through the 4-inch hole in my stomach.


CHILI # 8 - BIG TOM'S TOENAIL CURLING CHILI...

Judge # 1 -- The perfect ending, this is a nice blend chili. Not too bold but spicy enough to declare its existence.

Judge # 2 -- This final entry is a good, balanced chili. Neither mild nor hot. Sorry to see that most of it was lost when Judge #3 farted, passed out, fell over and pulled the chili pot down on top of himself. Not sure if he's going to make it. poor feller, wonder how he'd have reacted to really hot chili?

Judge # 3 - No Report

[Mark R]

and back then, water didn't come in cute little bottles!

Exactly it was darn scarce! And it was heavy so ya couldn't carry that much. Plus the chuck wagon couldn't soak beans for hours or cook them for hours, they had to fix dinner quick. Also they cooked over a fire mostly, you can only get so many pots over the fire at once. I think is was just steak, chili and biscuits or hard tack. Again, just me.

didnt realize folks got so territorial about a condiment..

I cant remember the last time I had a bowl or a cup of chili,

a chili dog... now thats a weekly eat.

If I was looking for a recipe pretty sure Id look for one from some folks in Texas or New Mexico and thats about it.

That's "hot dog" or "Chicago" chili. Entirely different.

[Abelman]

Well, times have changed and in the past, it always paid to camp near a stream of river for many reasons

For us, it's beef, beans, veggies, heat, and fruit (tomato, just to be a smart ass .)

We still do my grandmother's recipe so I have no complaints

[TasunkaWitko]

Exactly it was darn scarce! And it was heavy so ya couldn't carry that much. Plus the chuck wagon couldn't soak beans for hours or cook them for hours, they had to fix dinner quick. Also they cooked over a fire mostly, you can only get so many pots over the fire at once. I think is was just steak, chili and biscuits or hard tack. Again, just me.

Mark - rivers, waterholes etc. provided the water, even in the desert. They may have had to fill a barrel or two with water to get across a dry stretch, but there was water available - otherwise the cattle would die of thirst long before the cowboys died of starvation, no?

The cook had one job: to cook for the outfit - he spent all day engaged in it and preparing for it. As for soaking the beans - fill a kettle or Dutch-oven (or some other vessel) with beans, cover them with water plus a few inches, cover the whatever-you-put-the-beans-and-water-in, and set it in the back of the chuckwagon.

I've got a degree in this, bro - take my word for it ~~ aye, they ate a steak now and then, and the stews (or chili) might not have been melt-in-your-mouth tender, but there were a LOT of beans. Remember Blazing Saddles...

[Mark R]

Mark - rivers, waterholes etc. provided the water, even in the desert. They may have had to fill a barrel or two with water to get across a dry stretch, but there was water available - otherwise the cattle would die of thirst long before the cowboys died of starvation, no?

As for soaking the beans - fill a kettle or Dutch-oven...or anything with beans, cover them with water plus a few inches, cover the whatever-you-put-the-beans-and-water-in, and set it in the back of the chuckwagon.

I've got a degree in this, bro - take my word for it ~~ aye, they ate a steak now and then, but there were a LOT of beans. Remember Blazing Saddles...

I remember Chuck Wagon, Rawhide and Blazing saddles...all very relevant to historical accuracy.
So you put beans enough for a crew in a pot and cover them with water, ride in the chuck wagon all day. Have you ever ridden in a covered wagon? Rough, butt slammin, knee knockin, kidney pounding fun. Yes I have up a mountain from Big Sky. Not a soft ride, not sure how you'd keep the beans, much less the water in a pot....or the lid on. Besides there has to be a reason the Chile purists insist no beans. They cooked over a fire usually in one pot. If they cooked chile and beans at the same time...it would have to be in the same pot, no?
Ron, just bustin your chops, back to TQ? :)

[Snarlingiron]

Also they cooked over a fire mostly, you can only get so many pots over the fire at once. I think is was just steak, chili and biscuits or hard tack. Again, just me.

From Wikipedia:

While some form of mobile kitchens had existed for generations, the invention of the chuckwagon is attributed to Charles Goodnight, a Texas rancher who introduced the concept in 1866. Goodnight modified the Studebaker wagon, a durable army-surplus wagon, to suit the needs of cowboys driving cattle from Texas to sell in New Mexico. He added a "chuck box" to the back of the wagon with drawers and shelves for storage space and a hinged lid to provide a flat cooking surface. A water barrel was also attached to the wagon and canvas was hung underneath to carry firewood. A wagon box was used to store cooking supplies and cowboys' personal items.[2]
Chuckwagon food typically included easy-to-preserve items like beans and salted meats, coffee, and sourdough biscuits. Food would also be gathered en route. On cattle drives, it was common for the "cookie" who ran the wagon to be second in authority only to the "trailboss". The cookie would often act as cook, barber, dentist, and banker.[3]
The term "chuck wagon" comes from "chuck", a slang term for food, and not from the nickname for "Charles".[4]

The misconception is that the chuckwagon trailed the herd, when actually it would run several miles ahead and set up to cook so that the arriving cowboys or vaqueros would have food ready to eat , so, beans certainly could be served, and in fact all of the historical accounts that I have read say that beans were a staple of any chuckwagon fare. You don't have to soak beans, I rarely do.

Here is an interesting article about chuckwagons:

http://www.americanchuckwagon.org/images/CWarticle.pdf

The image of the chuckwagon plodding along with the driven herd is from the movies.

[Bearcarver]

I used to hate Wishbone's chili, and Rowdy & Mr Favor didn't care much for it either, but cooks were hard to find in my day!!!


Bear

[TasunkaWitko]

mark - there could have been 3 or 5 pots going - as many as necessary. an outfit had a dozen to 15 men, and they ate 3 times a day - so i can easily see 5 dutch ovens or similar vessels going over a fire. they are cheap, easy to trandsport and they don't rot. i'm sure that water might have gotten sloshed around- men who rode the trail weren't known for being the most delicate of sorts. or maybe they wrapped a towel or blanket around the pot to cushion it.

and the chili purists insist on no beans IN THE CHILI - on the side, have all you want, as i said in my first post on the subject.

and if you're mixin' your #1 with salt, you might as well be using TQ ;)~

[Mark R]

From Wikipedia:

While some form of mobile kitchens had existed for generations, the invention of the chuckwagon is attributed to Charles Goodnight, a Texas rancher who introduced the concept in 1866. Goodnight modified the Studebaker wagon, a durable army-surplus wagon, to suit the needs of cowboys driving cattle from Texas to sell in New Mexico. He added a "chuck box" to the back of the wagon with drawers and shelves for storage space and a hinged lid to provide a flat cooking surface. A water barrel was also attached to the wagon and canvas was hung underneath to carry firewood. A wagon box was used to store cooking supplies and cowboys' personal items.[2]
Chuckwagon food typically included easy-to-preserve items like beans and salted meats, coffee, and sourdough biscuits. Food would also be gathered en route. On cattle drives, it was common for the "cookie" who ran the wagon to be second in authority only to the "trailboss". The cookie would often act as cook, barber, dentist, and banker.[3]
The term "chuck wagon" comes from "chuck", a slang term for food, and not from the nickname for "Charles".[4]

The misconception is that the chuckwagon trailed the herd, when actually it would run several miles ahead and set up to cook so that the arriving cowboys or vaqueros would have food ready to eat , so, beans certainly could be served, and in fact all of the historical accounts that I have read say that beans were a staple of any chuckwagon fare. You don't have to soak beans, I rarely do.

Here is an interesting article about chuckwagons:

http://www.americanchuckwagon.org/images/CWarticle.pdf

The image of the chuckwagon plodding along with the driven herd is from the movies.

Snarlingiron, wellll from Wiki!!!! Party pooper! Ok I was just pickin on Ron, my bad.
Sooo, back to chili! Water, meat, chilies, spices. Maybe Alcohol and/or tomatoes. ?That's it?
But why not decide your own salt and use #1!

[Fishawn]

Chili is just plain trouble!

[Mark R]

Oh yea, that's right! It was a cowboy that invented the flaming fart!

[Mark R]

Chili is just plain fun!

[MichChef]

After belonging to a half dozen cooking groups for the past 10 or more years I gave up trying to define foods. So many different dishes are called different things across this big old country and everyone insists their version is right that I just let 'em. 9 times outta 10 I don't follow a recipe exactly anyway which changes it up. Look up how many different dishes are called "Goulash" and it took me several years to find a recipe that was similar to my Mom's "Chop Suey" although I found many recipes called that.
As Shakespeare said "A food by any other name is just as tasty".

[SMOKE FREAK]

"on a high horse"

OK...I tried to stay out but...

Was in a chili cook comp......Small time.......No prize other than bragging rights

One entry was a little more than red beans, tomatoes, and some meat...I was like ...But this gal was proud as can be because "THIS" is what her family loved...

Nuff said...